


Exhaustion of the Mind

by softboyhannibal



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Age Regression, Autistic Meltdown, Autistic Spencer Reid, Autistic!Spencer Reid, Comforting Aaron Hotchner, Dad!Hotch, Daddy Hotch but not in a sexy way, Father Figure Aaron Hotchner, Hotch and Spence are roomies, Hotch is Spencer’s dad basically, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash, Non-Verbal Reid, Reid has daddy issues, Spencer Hotchner, Spencer is a Hotchner, Stimming, Vulnerable Spencer Reid, as a coping mechanism, it can be seen as underlying age regression??? maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-05-18 10:12:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19332445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softboyhannibal/pseuds/softboyhannibal
Summary: A collection of Hotch being Spencer’s dad & autistic!spencer. No slash, but Spencer’s issues can be seen as underlying age regression unintentionally??? Idk but no slash. Don’t like it, DONT READ please!





	1. A Long Day

**Author's Note:**

> NO SLASH, just father figure Hotch. Don’t like it, don’t read! This was really inspired by a work called “Strength in Numbers” by radiboyn :)

Spencer had just finished a chess game in the park, correctly hypothesizing a checkmate in 12 moves. He grabbed his leather satchel off of the damp concrete and headed for Rossi’s car that was waiting for him in the parking lot. The drive to the jet was quiet, and Spencer sat in thought about how he could relate to Samantha. He, too, had trouble in his early years that left lasting scars in his current life. It was a tough case for him to keep his cool on. He could see himself in the unsub‘s place, which happened rarely, but it still happened. 

Once aboard the jet, Spencer waited until everyone was asleep to slink out of his space and onto the couch-like seats in the back. He could feel himself begin to shake softly, and the world became fuzzy. Sometimes these cases were a bit much, the ones where the unsub turned out to be a victim. It felt like they were putting the wrong person away in jail. 

His eyes danced under his eyelids, and Spencer reached into his go-bag to grab his headphones. They were bulky and soundproof, and he was extremely embarrassed to let anyone see him wearing them. He let his hands flap lightly, and he could feel the vibrations of the jet engine under his feet. He swayed softly, hands jerkily moving by his chest, eyes still closed. 

He could feel an exhausted kind of panic rising in his chest, panic that he was trying to stow away until he got back to his apartment, but it had chosen to appear now. He bit his lip harshly to hold back whimpers during the turbulence. He shoved his hands under his armpits when his hands became too “loud”, violently flapping in a fashion that might wake someone up. He felt non-verbal, which was going to prove a struggle to communicate with anyone but Hotch - the only person who had sat down and learned some signs with him. 

Spencer swayed in his seat, murmuring to himself and repeating words in his head over and over again. 

Quiet hands. Quiet hands. Quiet quiet quiet. Hands hands hands. Shhhh. Too loud. Quiet hands. Quieter than tha-

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a dip in the couch. His eyes opened up to see JJ, and his hands immediately flew to his headphones - he hated when anyone saw him like this.

“Hey, Spence.” She said with her trademark smile on her face. 

Reid could only whine in response, cringing at himself for not being able to talk. He clamped down on his hands as hard as possible with his arms, trying to save himself the embarrassment of having JJ watch him stimming.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” She chuckled a little at his efforts, but offered up a “Want me to go get Hotch?”

Spencer would never ask for it, but it was always the answer. He made a couple of soft noises a little before nodding, although he felt bad for waking up his boss.

JJ stood up and smiled at him before she turned around and walked towards where Hotch was softly snoring in his seat. 

“Psst, Hotch.” She tried. He stirred a bit and open his eyes before sitting upright. 

“Yeah. What’s wrong?” Hotch mumbled, still groggy.

JJ made a head motion towards Spencer, who was trying desperately not to cry at all the sounds the jet was making now that his headphones were off. 

“Thanks for waking me, go to sleep. I got it.” Hotch said once he recognized the situation.

He maneuvered his way over to where Reid was rocking himself. He smiled sadly when Spencer tried to greet him, but his hands wouldn’t cooperate. Red faced from embarrassment, he tried to stop himself from covering his ears up. Noticing his hesitation, Hotch grabbed his headphones and plopped them on his head. 

“Hey, buddy.” Hotch said sweetly, in a voice he reserved for Jack (and Spencer on special occasions). “Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” 

Reid brought his hand in a thumbs up sign to his cheek, gesturing outward to extend his hand - the sign for Ashamed. 

“Well, you don’t have to be embarrassed around me or JJ. We just want you to be comfortable and happy. We want to help.” Hotch said. “Will you tell me how to help, what would be good for you in this moment?” 

Spencer made a fist and covered it with an open hand, pushing down hard. That was a sign Aaron recognized as Pressure. 

He remembered that Reid had started leaving his weighted blanket at home for cases, wanting more independence, but Hotch wished they had brought it along for things like this. 

“Okay. Can I touch you? Would you be comfortable with that?” 

Spencer hummed, then nodded. 

“Okay.” Hotch breathed out. He opened his arms, welcoming Reid to fall into his embrace, which he did. Hotch squeezed him softly, still firmly, so that Spencer would feel comfortable and safe. He could feel now that Spencer was shaking, and reached over with his other hand to play with his curls. Reid loved to have his hair played with, always said it was a “good sensory”. 

“You’re doing really well. I’m proud of you for asking for me.” Hotch said. They both knew that Spencer hadn’t really asked for anything, but that he tried his best - and for that, he deserved positive reassurance. 

They stayed like that for the 27 minutes it took until they landed, and Reid had fallen asleep. Morgan smiled at them when he woke up, adoring how content Spencer finally looked. It was a good sight and a good feeling. 

When Hotch woke him up, Spencer told him “thank you”, and was offered a ride home. He took it, and it ended up being a pretty good night after all.


	2. How to Get Saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid has been spending the night at Hotch’s place, and today’s been particularly rough. SUUUPER Dad!Hotch in this one!

Spencer has started spending the night at Hotch’s house a couple months ago. He wasn’t sleeping enough due to his constant fear of being alone in the dark, and the team decided it would be best if Hotch took him under his wing. 

He has always taken to Aaron the best, calming down immediately with his stern presence. He provided the direction and authority that Reid lacked throughout his life. They worked together often during cases, just in case Spencer would need someone to stand up for him, or just to be a guiding hand. When Hotch couldn’t be there, he always made sure someone else could, like Derek or David. 

Today had been a particularly rough one, Spencer having a panic attack early in the morning over a broken bowl of cereal. They couldn’t stay home because of crying and spilt milk, so Hotch instructed him to wait in the car while he cleaned it up. 

Spencer refused to quit apologizing, only stopping when Aaron stood up and held him by the shoulders, and instructing him to, “Look me in the eyes, and stop that. You weren’t bad, it’s all alright. Do you need me to take you there? To the car?” 

Reid pouted hard at that, growing frustrated at himself for being stupid and breaking his boss’s dish in the first place, but mumbled a small “mhm.” 

“Alright. That’s alright. See? This is all good.” Hotch reassured him, guiding him by the hand to his minivan. Spencer climbed in, and crushed his lanky limbs together into a little ball. “Good, Spence. Give me a minute to clean up and get Jack for school.”

After they dropped Jack off at kindergarten, the day got even harder. The case was about a teenage boy with Aspergers who had “kidnapped” his little sister and ran away. The team tried their best not to look at him, but Spencer knew they were already thinking about him. He cringed as JJ described him with ‘functioning’ labels, but let it go after a couple seconds of fiddling with his fingers.

The case took less than a day, and ended with the boy holding the sister hostage: and they had to shoot him in the shoulder to get her away safely. He let out a shriek at the terrible sound of the gunshot accompanied by a terrible pain and the feeling of blood, and Reid had to walk away. He was just a kid, and he could see himself in his place. Acting out of panic, hurting someone you love on accident, crying at unwanted sensories. 

Spencer was quiet all the way home, and looked away when Emily offered to do a puzzle with him. Hotch offered him a blanket, a hug, anything that would erase the pained expression on Reid’s face, but all of his options were denied. 

By the time the two returned to the house, their house, Aaron already knew that Spencer would end up in his room for the night. But he denied it, slinking off to the couch in the living room.

It was less than an hour later that Hotch awoke to sniffles coming from the hallway, and he was aware that it was that kind of night. He put on his slippers, and greeted Spencer with a warm hug and, “Hey, sweet boy, what’s going on? You have a nightmare?” 

Spencer shook his head against Hotch’s chest. 

“Just a hard night, then?” 

Reid was quiet at that, gripping him a bit tighter. 

“How’s about we get some milk and chat.” It wasn’t a question or a demand, but more of a suggestion, though he knew Spencer would follow any direction he was given. On these kind of days, he was antsy and touch-starved, grumpy and apologetic. 

Hotch led him to the kitchen, pulling out a plastic cup for Spencer’s special soy milk. He opened up the fridge, crouching down to search for the container.

“M’sorry.” the young agent murmured. 

“Oh, buddy.” Hotch stood up from his position, frowning lightly. “You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s all okay. Let me get you this so we can have a little talk about what’s going on up there.” He said, tapping Spencer’s temple with his forefinger.

Once he retrieved and poured the milk, he grabbed a plastic straw and plopped it in the cup. Spencer’s hands were flapping wildly near his chest, and he was shaking and crying silently, so Hotch carried it to the couch for him. Beckoning Reid to come sit, he steadied the straw and encouraged him to try some. 

“C’mon, Spence, it’s the good kind. If you can calm down a little you can try some…” he tried to bribe. 

Spencer breathed in shakily, wiping his eyes with his hands. He clamped his arms under his armpits and tried to drink some milk. 

It was rewarding as it always was, cold soy milk, and he willed himself to calm down enough to drink more. Though he had to stop and catch his breath a couple times, he successfully drank the entire glass.

“Good, kid. That was good. Proud of you.” Spencer beamed a little under the praise, but hid it away as best he could.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bouncing around inside your head?” Hotch prompted. 

Reid cleared his throat, preparing to meltdown again. 

“Well, I- first of all, uh- I feel really stupid about breaking your thing this morning.” He said. He had to stop himself from going on about how dumb he was, because he was already beginning to rock back and forth. He was hitting his leg harshly with a closed fist, but Hotch’s hand came between his thigh and his hand. 

“Ah-ah-ah. Hey, don’t do that please.” Hotch requested in a soft tone. “And that’s okay, it was chipped anyway, and the color was faded. I don’t mind.”

“You promise?”

“I pinky promise. What else?” 

After Hotch and Reid intertwined their pinkies to conclude the ‘pinky promise’, Reid tried to continue.

“I hurt myself. Not in that way- but I stepped on a piece of the ceramic from the bowl and cut my foot up pretty bad. And it’s really been hurting, and I keep worrying that it’s infected because we had to go and-“

“Spencer, why didn’t you tell me? You know I would have cleaned it for you, I know how you get anxious about germs and queasy about blood.” Hotch asked, trying not to feel like he had abandoned Spencer by leaving him in the car that morning.

“I didn’t wanna bother you, Jack had to get ready for school and you were already cleaning up MY mess. Plus it was my fault in the first place!” Spencer said, resuming his hand flapping, tears flowing freely once again.

“Okay, buddy, it’s alright.” 

Once he had calmed down to rocking back and forth and whining, Hotch offered to hold his hand; knowing how he liked the pressure to distract him. Spencer gratefully took it in his own, eyes closing.

“You don’t ever have to worry about being a burden to me. You understand? I want to take care of you just as much as I want to take care of my son. I don’t mind cleaning or helping with bumps and bruises, alright?” Hotch said, calm as ever.

Spencer nodded and gave a small “uh-huh”.

“Let’s clean up that cut and head to sleep. You want to stay with me tonight, right? That would be perfectly fine with me.”

Reid nodded in agreement, and they headed to the bathroom to properly clean out and bandage his foot. 

“That’s not so bad, is it?” Hotch questioned once he was on the floor with a washcloth. Reid was squirming away occasionally at the gross feeling of an open wound, but managed to squeak out a ‘no’. Hotch covered it up with a neon-green bandaid, which Spencer almost started to pick at, but he stopped when he felt Aaron’s eyes on him.

They headed back to Hotch’s room, Spencer carrying his weighted blanket. They got under the covers once the nightlight was plugged in and the lights were out. 

“If you need a hug, just wake me up. I won’t mind, bud.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me, it’s my job.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I really appreciate suggestions, kudos, and comments <3


	3. Statistics of American Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spence embarrasses himself while out at dinner with the team, dad!hotch and Morgan to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my timeline is ALLLL over the place and I forgot what Hotch’s house looks like. So forgive me please, i was a little creative haha

Emily Prentiss was the newest member of the team. Elle couldn’t maintain a stable mentality after being shot, so they were one person short, but that didn’t make the adjustment any easier.

It was hard for him to admit, but Spencer never did well with change. His need for schedules and organization caused him great troubles when interrupted, not to mention the stressor of a first impression. Sometimes new people didn’t react well to Dr. Reid being a member of the BAU. There were incidents where he’d been called slurs, and others where people simply underestimated his ability to function as a FBI agent. Keeping those times in mind, it was nerve wracking meeting new agents (or any kind of law enforcement). 

Hotch had pulled Emily aside when she enthusiastically accepted his ’offer’ to join the Bureau, immediately wanting to meet her new companions. He explained to her that it was important that she didn’t judge any of them - including their youngest member - and that she not let the first impression scare her away. 

He led her past the bullpen, beckoning JJ from her office to come join as he passed. JJ began to go over protocol with Emily as she sat down at the circle table, and Hotch headed out to grab the rest of the team. At first the whole team was shocked with Emily’s knowledge, even Spencer. He even managed to avoid socially awkward comments, proud of himself for the small accomplishment.

A couple days after their first case as a team, JJ and Emily decided it might be good for her to get to know everyone by going to dinner as a group. When Hotch brought it up to Spencer, he whined a little bit and began to bounce on the heels of his feet. 

Hotch tried to reason with him, “C’mon, kiddo, it’ll be fun. She’s going to love you.” Spencer worries himself sick about fitting in, Hotch was well aware of this, but it never hurt to try new things. He tried a softer voice, “Buddy. What if I said we can talk about special interests afterwards?” 

That definitely worked. Spencer was still visibly upset, but he perked up and replied.

“...Fine. But you have to tell me afterwards if I did good or bad.” he said.

“I always do, don’t I.” came the steady reply. It wasn’t a question, but a statement of reassurance.

Aaron held Spencer’s softest jacket out for him to reach his arms into. It was getting colder towards the nighttime, it didn’t help that it was raining, and he tended to shake like a leaf in chilly temperatures. With a hand on the shoulder, he lead Reid out the door and into the car. 

When they arrived at the restaurant, Reid realized that he and Hotch had over-dressed for the occasion. The place was barely a diner, and they had shown up in button-ups and work pants. Spencer began to emit a soft whine that he was unaware of until Aaron grabbed his hand and held it tightly, the way Reid needed in order to ground himself. 

“Spencer. You’re going to do great. I know you don’t like how unprofessional walking in with me looks, so you can sit by Derek, alright? He’ll look out for you, just treat him how you treat me.” Hotch directed. 

Reid always needed a plan. 

“And quit biting your lip, you’re going to hurt yourself.” 

They headed towards the door together, Hotch holding the umbrella over both of their heads. Once inside, Spencer was eager to navigate towards Morgan, but was stopped by Hotch saying, “We have to take off our jackets.”

Aaron shook off the umbrella and closed it, then turned his attention to Reid squirming slightly under his damp jacket. No one else would have noticed it, not even Spencer himself, but it would definitely lead to a problem later. 

“Let’s get this off, kiddo.” Hotch said, standing behind him and pulling the zip-up off. “Now we can go.”

Hotch sat in between Emily and Gideon, and Spencer was quick to find Derek, who greeted him warmly. “Hey, kid! Decided to come sit with me today, huh? That’s nice of you.” 

Reid dropped his leather bag and returned Derek’s kind greeting with his own, “Hey, Morgan.” and a genuine Spencer smile. 

Gideon waved to Reid, sitting next to him, and everyone looked over their menus while making small talk. Going out to eat was usually difficult for Spencer, with all the noise and bright lights, but he was determined not to use any aids for this dinner (except Morgan, of course). 

When it was time to order, Spencer was 2nd to last. Remembering that Hotch had said ‘treat him like you treat me’, he whispered to Derek what he wanted to eat so he didn’t have to say it for himself. 

“He’ll have the Greek salad with no olives or onions.” Morgan leaned over so that only Spencer could hear him, “I’m havin’ them leave in the tomatoes, so I can have them.”

The waiter looked at Spencer with a patronizing expression, but moved on to Gideon as the final order.

Everyone was hoping that Emily wasn’t going to ask, but she did. “Uh, hey- why didn’t you order for yourself?”

When it was silent for more than a second, she piped in again, “I didn’t mean for that to sound rude! I’m just- I’m just a curious person”

Hotch looked at her with a disciplinary expression, but she wouldn’t meet his face - instead gazing at Reid, who was staring at his napkin. He was trying to fold it into some kind of origami animal. 

Just as Hotch was about to answer, he was unexpectedly cut off by Spencer.

“Prentiss, you know that’s not very-“

“While some people describe me as ‘abnormal’ or ‘quirky’, I have autism; Aspergers to be exact; causing me to feel extreme discomfort in certain social situations, ordering food at a restaurant being one of them.”

He continued to work at his origami napkin creature as he talked.

“You know, statistically 1 out of 59 children has some form of autism. Though I don’t know why they say ‘children’ in the data as if autism is something you outgrow, because it definitely is not. In fact, many people aren’t diagnosed until their later years, like me. I was diagnosed when I was 23, which is extremely common, but more so in females. I can show you the actual graphs if you’d like, I have them on my ph-“

He stopped when he noticed that the entire table was looking at him, silent. 

“Oh, well that’s really interesting, Spencer. You seem pretty normal to me.” Prentiss chimed in

“Emily.” Derek warned.

“Nonono, that’s not what I meant- Spencer knows that. Right, Spence?” 

“Please don’t call me that, you don’t know me very well.” Spencer replied, unfolding his swan and beginning to fold it into another being.

The table fell silent for a little while, until JJ brought up work, and that seemed to cheer everyone up. Spencer mentally scolded himself for being so stupid as to go on and on about statistics- about AUTISM statistics no less- while no one even cared or asked for it. He focused all of his attention on folding and unfolding animals in the fabric of his napkin, blocking out the surrounding world. 

He didn’t talk much for the rest of the night, but he did answer questions he was asked. ‘You really solved that case on your first day?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Don’t you like olives?’ ‘No, it distracts from the dressing.’ 

He didn’t want to embarrass Hotch or Morgan with a meltdown, so he did his very best to stay calm. About 10 minutes after he finished his meal, he tapped Derek on the leg under the table. 

“Hmm? What’s up, kid?” 

Spencer motioned with his hand to keep his voice down.

“Can you tell Aaron I’m ready to go?”

“‘Course. Gimme one second.” Morgan whisper-replied, taking out his phone to text Hotch a message.

Hotch must have felt in his gut that Spencer was ready, because he didn’t even have to look at the content of the text before he was standing up and putting money down under his cup.

“This was really very nice, but Spencer and I have got to get home. Thanks so much, you guys, for inviting us.” He said, flashing a rare smile.

Emily stopped Spencer before he could escape. 

“Hey, I’m really sorry about before, Dr. Reid. I hope you’ll learn that I’m just really bad with words sometimes. I’ll try harder next time.” She tried to explain.

“..Thanks, Prentiss, it’s okay.” He said before Hotch beckoned him to come put on his coat. 

Hotch put his arm around Spencer as soon as they were out the door. At first he started from the touch, and Aaron retracted, but a couple seconds later grabbed his arm that was hanging by his side and pulled it around his body. 

“You did amazing in there, Spencer, I really mean that. I am so, so proud.” Hotch told him.

Reid nuzzled in a little closer to his neck, whimpering while trying not to cry.

“I tried so hard, but- but I still messed up. I was bad. I was a bad, bad, bad boy.” Reid said, tears spilling over. 

“No, you were not bad. You did good. Want me to say it?” Hotch’s voice was calm and steady, offering anything that Spencer would need.

“..yeah.” Spencer answered, so quietly Hotch wasn’t sure he even heard him right.

“Alright. Okay, bud, just wait until we get in the car.” He assured.

Once the doors were closed and locked, Hotch started up the heat. He touched Spencer’s chin gently, a soft gesture for him to meet Hotch’s eyes. 

“You were very good tonight. I’m so proud. You were a good boy, and no one thinks any different of you. I still care about you very much, and you’re still coming home with me. Okay?”

“..Mhmm.” Spencer hummed, averting his gaze to the radio. 

The drive home was long and tedious, but Hotch made sure to play some of Spencer’s favorite songs via his iPod connected to the car. When they reached the house, Spencer collapsed on the couch. 

“You’re allowed to stim. Go ahead.” Hotch called from the kitchen, getting ready tomorrow’s vitamins.

Spencer began to rub his hands together, then flap them around for a little while until Hotch returned. 

“M’sorry for embarrassing you.”

Hotch felt his heart clench a little bit. Spencer always apologized for being himself. 

“C’mere, sweet boy.” He held his arms out, and Reid leaned in.

“You never embarrass me. I love to hear about what’s going on in your mind. You always amaze me with how smart you are.” Aaron reminded him. “How about we talk about the statistics of American holidays? Two special interests in one. I promised earlier that if you made it through dinner we could.” 

“That sounds.. good.” Reid said.

“Yeah, Spence. Then you can come lie with me.”

It was a good night after all, and Prentiss wasn’t all that bad.


	4. Off Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a day off, Spencer and Hotch do a couple domestic things.

Living with Hotch, Reid had started imitating his actions somewhat unintentionally. Hotch would sleep with only a sheet with the comforter thrown to the side, and when Reid would sleep alone he would mimic the action. (Most of the time, though, he couldn’t fall asleep by himself, instead preferring to fall asleep in the safe embrace of his boss.) Reid would even try to frown more to induce the lines Hotch had on his face.

One breakfast together, in Aaron’s apartment, Hotch noticed Reid staring at his cereal and making an incredibly pained face - pushing his eyebrows together as far as they would go.

Hotch couldn’t help but chuckle at him. 

“What’re you doing, Spence?” He said in a soft voice.

Reid immediately snapped his eyes up at the question, blushing a dark red.

“Oh, I was- uh, I was trying to see how you do that thing with your face.” He answered.

Hotch smiled fondly.

“What- what thing? You mean my angry face?”

“Hm, yes. It’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to hold my mouth in a frowny position.”

“Leave the grumpiness to the grownups, then, yeah?” He smiled. “That was sarcasm. But I don’t like to see you sad, bud.”

“M’not sad. Just wanted to see how you do it.”

Aaron did his ‘Hotch face’ for Spencer’s benefit. It worked, making him smile hard. 

“It’s our day off, what would you like to do this morning?”

“Animal Planet, please, Hotch?” Reid said around a spoonful of Cocoa Puffs and milk.

”Sure, that sounds pretty stress-free to me. Finish your cereal first.” Hotch smiled fondly. “And don’t talk with your mouth full.” Hotch reprimanded, but continued to grin down at him.

When Spencer finished eating, he washed his bowl with water and put it in the dishwasher. He walked around the couch and plopped himself in the corner. Aaron flicked on the television and put on the animal channel. 

“Why don’t you tell me some animal facts while the commercials are on?” Hotch prompted

“Well, uh, I believe this program that’s going to be on is about South American animals, which makes me think of a Capybara. Also known as a Carpincho, they’re currently the largest known rodents on Earth.” Reid rambled.

“That’s super interesting, Spencer. Aren’t they the ones that look like really large Guinea pigs?” Hotch asked.

“Yes, sir. Another animal that comes to mind - a Wombat - they’re very cute marsupials, with stubby tails and short legs, Native to Australia- look, Hotch! That on TV right now is what I’m talking about!”

A small creature was on the screen, exactly what Spencer had described.

“Aw. How cute.” Hotch said. Though he wasn’t a fan of animals, he was happy to see Spencer so entertained.

But Spencer wanted to be hugged, held, but he always had trouble asking for that. He had been so touch and attention starved that when someone came along to give it to him, he didn’t want to be annoying by asking for too much of it. 

Reid stared longingly at the side of Hotch’s head, at the spot behind his ear. Hotch’s eyes flicked over and back to the screen, then he turned his attention fully to Spencer.

“What’s going on, hon?” Hotch asked, his voice soft.

“Uhm.. will you- will you do the thing you do?” Spencer said in an uncharacteristically small, shaky voice.

“Of course I will, buddy. Good job for asking.”

Hotch moved himself into the opposite corner and whisperer ‘come here’ with a beckoning hand motion to Spencer. Reid only scooched into the middle when he stopped, and Hotch had to do the rest. He hoisted Spencer until he was a ball in his lap, head under his chin. Spencer’s hair tickled his neck, and he smiled.

Spencer needed this more than anything in the world right now. To be coddled, to cry, to do the things he was denied as a child. The waterworks, they were inevitable now. Tears dripped down his face, soaking Hotch’s t-shirt. 

Aaron kept up a soft shushing noise, creating a white noise for Spencer to relax into.

“M’sorry” he whined.

“Shh. You’re alright.” Hotch reassured.

“No, no, no… I shouldn’t be- you don’t need to do this-“ he struggled against Aaron’s hold, but he held Reid right against his chest.

“Hey, sweet boy, take some deeeeeep breaths. You know I don’t mind when you need this.”

“Well, you don’t mind, but you don’t like it either..” Spencer said, trailing off.

“Spence-“ Hotch tipped his head up to meet his eyes. “I love taking care of you. Okay, bud? This is all good.” 

Aaron rubbed his back in soothing, soft circles as Spencer cried. 

Reid spoke up, “If I- If I called you dad, would you be mad at me?” 

“No, sweetheart. Not at all. In fact, I’m very proud of you for asking for what you need. You’re making great progress.” Hotch told him.

Spencer whimpered at his kind words. 

“I don’t deserve it.” He mumbled, hands near his face.

“What was that, Spence? Could you speak up a little for me?”

“..I don’t deserve it.” He stayed again.

“Hush now. You deserve the best. Now close your eyes, and listen to my heart, alright?” Hotch directed politely. He knew Spencer liked to have a plan for what to do.

Spencer lowered his head so his ear was situated above his leader’s heart. Hotch swayed back and forth slowly, humming a song that he was making up as he went. When Reid would sniffle, Aaron would whisper to him how good he was being, how proud Hotch was of him. 

Spencer’s breathing slowed to a calm pace as he fell unconscious, though he hiccuped a few times in his sleep. Aaron smiles at what a cute sight he was, and clutched him a little tighter. He never thought it would be possible to love and care for someone who wasn’t his own as much as he did for Spence, but here he was, and he was enjoying every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! I love comments and kudos so much :)


	5. Making Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spence makes progress with asking for what he needs & calling Hotch dad :) starts off during season 3 episode 14.

“...and it took me less than 5 to do this.” Chester Hardwick spoke. 

Hotch eyed Reid, who was visibly shaken up. At the sight of this, Hotch threatened Hardwick, taking off his suit jacket and tie - but Spencer had a better idea, to distract him. He told Chester about his genetic history and family tree, ending his speech with, “It was you who never truly had a chance.” 

Hotch had already left the small room, grabbing his jacket and going as fast as he could. 

“Is that true, I never had a chance?” The arsonist asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Spencer said as he stormed out quickly.

In the car, Hotch apologized. 

“I antagonized the situation.”

“No, you didn’t.” Spencer retorted.

“Well I certainly didn’t help.”

“Ah.. I guess you didn’t help.”

They went on to talk about Aaron finalizing his divorce, the stress it was causing him - the both of them, now that Spencer was around. 

Reid didn’t let on that he had been scared or nervous at all during their encounter with Hardwick the entire ride home. He played with his belt buckle and looked outside. Hotch checked on him multiple times, averting his gaze onto Spencer every red light. 

Reid eventually fell asleep, his head clunking the window lightly when they would hit a bump. Aaron unconsciously took of his jacket and placed it between his forehead and the glass, petting his hair, shortly before turning his attention back to the road. Hotch knew he was bothered by today’s events, but he also knew better than to push it.

When they reached home, Spencer darted to Aaron’s bedroom. It was technically ‘their’ bedroom, but Reid was too embarrassed to let himself think that. He grabbed his favorite stuffed animal from a pile and brought it to the bed. He slid under the covers and breathed in deep. He was surrounded by the scent of Hotch, and he felt protected as he hugged his stuffed parrot. 

Aaron read the paper in the living room for a while, until he decided it was time to check on his friend. when he reached the room, the door was open only a crack - a sign that he was welcome to come in. He pushed open the door to see Spencer in the fetal position, cowering under the blankets. 

“Hey, Spence, what’s going on?” He asked as he approached him quietly.

Spencer mumbled, “M’not feelin’ good.”

“Why’s that, little guy?”

“I dunno.. could you c’mere..?” 

“You know I can, hon.”

Hotch slipped under the blankets, sliding a hand around Spencer’s waist and holding him tightly to provide pressure.

Hotch spoke up after a while, “You’re feeling a little overwhelmed, huh?” 

Reid made a barely audible “Mhm”.

“Can you uncover your face so you can breathe a little better? For me?” Hotch prompted.

“..Yes.” Spencer did as he was asked.

“Good. You’re doing good, Spence.”

Hotch reached his hand up and carded his fingers in Spencer’s hair. Reid had run a wet comb through it, ridding it of its shine, and it was soft to the touch. Spencer leaned into the touch, and Aaron chuckled, scratching his scalp. 

Reid leaned back into Aaron’s chest, letting himself be enveloped in the warmth. 

“C’mere” Hotch said softly.

Spencer turned so he was facing Aaron, but quickly shoved his face into Hotch’s neck to avoid eye contact, his arm thrown over Hotch’s.

After a moment, Hotch spoke, “I’m really proud of you.”

A moment of silence followed.

“Why?”

“Because you stayed calm during that fiasco. Plus, you saved my ass.” 

Though he couldn’t see it, Aaron could feel Spencer quirk a smile.

“Why don’t you get some rest?” Hotch asked. Reid tightened his loose hold on Aaron, a silent plea not to be left alone.

“I won’t go anywhere until you wake up. I might even take a nap myself.” Hotch reassured him, beginning to pet up and down Spencer’s back when he let out a whine. “Look at me, please?”

His other hand cupped Reid’s face, thumb stroking his cheek. A deep blush spread across Spencer’s face, and he bit his lip to ground himself, looking away.

“It’s okay to be embarrassed, sweet boy.” Hotch said in a ‘you’re silly’ tone of voice. 

He tsk-ed at Spencer when he bit down harder. “You know I don’t like when you hurt yourself.”

Spencer whined. “I wasn’t even-“

“Not on purpose, but you were gonna start bleeding if you kept biting at it. Try to close your eyes, please.” 

Ten or so minutes went by, Hotch humming periodically. He continually pet Spencer’s nape, fiddling with the soft curls there. He knew Reid most likely wouldn’t be able to sleep, but he was waiting for Spencer to advocate for himself.

A muffled “..Dad..?” could barely be heard from Spencer, who was cowering, face pressed against Hotch’s neck. 

Hotch was nodding off, but perked up at the mention of his name. He shifted, neck scruff scratching Spencer’s face.

“What’s up, buddy?” Hotch said groggily.

“I don’t think I can sleep.” He said, voice shaking, scared of the impending reaction.

Aaron felt a sudden surge of being proud of Spencer for voicing what he needed. 

He breathed in and said, “Good boy.” 

Spencer’s head snapped up to meet Hotch’s eyes.

“What?” Reid asked.

“I said, ‘good boy’.”

“I’m aware, why?” 

“Because I’m proud of you for telling me what you felt you were capable of. And for calling me that. I know that’s hard for you, but that was really good.”

“Oh.. okay.” 

Spencer clunked his head against the pillow. 

“Now what?” He asked.

“Do you want to see if we can find ‘Friday the 13th’ on Netflix?” Hotch answered.

“Oh.. yes, it’s a classic.”

“Okay, that’s what we’ll do, then.” Hotch told him.

Spencer bonked his forehead off of Aaron’s, with a “bonk.”, and Hotch let out a hearty laugh.

They set off to find a movie. A scary movie was always accompanied with lots of cuddles and warm milk. By the end of the night, they were both smiling genuinely.

“Hotch?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. For telling me I was good. I tend to respond well to positive reassurance.” 

“All I want is your happiness.” Hotch said after a while.

“And I, yours.” Spencer replied.

With a kiss to the forehead, Aaron sent Spencer to bed. He followed soon after, and they finally slept.


	6. Dealing with Setbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer has a nightmare and ends up having an accident. Hotch is there to help him along.

Spencer was doing well, but he had his occasional setbacks. Recently, he had been plagued with night terrors. When he was given something good, like Aaron, he would dream of it being ripped away. 

Tonight was one of the worst ones. Spencer had fallen asleep in the guest room while he was reading, contrary to in Hotch’s arms. Normally, Aaron would have woken him up and brought him to their bed, but “he looks so peaceful”, Hotch thought. 

It wasn’t too long before Spencer was dreaming of Hotch sending a goodbye note like Gideon and his father did, leaving him abruptly. He was left with the apartment, no money, no Aaron to take care of him. He sat on the floor and wailed, screaming his lungs out. What was he going to do without ‘daddy’ to help him? 

‘Spence. Spencer. Sh, sh, sh, you’re okay, c’mon.” 

“Aaron!” Spencer yelled, searching the room, walls closing in around him. 

Suddenly his eyes snapped open to see Hotch’s soft gaze on him, stroking his hair and whispering reassurances. Spencer practically pounced on him, skinny arms wrapping around his head and pulling him into an embrace, just like any child would do to their father after a scary dream. His tears came freely now, openly crying into the crook of Aaron’s neck.

“You’re okay, hon, just a bad dream.” Hotch reassured him. 

“Sorry, m’sorry, I didn’t mean to..” Spencer managed to get out between sniffles.

“You’re such a good boy, buddy. You’re alright, I promise.” Hotch gripped him tighter.

When Spencer released his hold on Aaron, he was horrified at what he felt. In the midst of his terrible dream, he’d lost control of his bladder.

“Nonononono… no…” he whimpered when he realized what had happened. Hotch immediately understood, but Spencer didn’t catch onto his knowledge. Aaron reached to pull the covers down from around Spencer’s waist, but Reid’s hands flew to the blankets by his side, holding it down. 

“Please.. don’t..” Spencer spoke, ashamed.

“It’s okay.” Hotch pulled down the blankets, confirming his suspicions to be true. “It’s totally normal to have accidents, especially when little boys have real scary dreams. Nothing to be embarrassed about, I promise.” He spoke, reassuring his boy.

“..yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Hotch smiled at him after giving him a peck to the forehead. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

“I- I don’t think I want to-“ …. get changed alone? Spencer didn’t want to sound like a wuss. 

“I know, bud.” Hotch said, a small but reassuring smile still on his face. “Can you go to the bathroom while I take the sheets off?” 

“Yes, sir.” Spencer said. “You really don’t have to-“

“I want to. Go to the restroom please, for me?” Hotch directed, and Spencer immediately did as he was asked. 

In the bathroom he sat on the toilet lid, shaking softly. He was beginning to get cold in his damp clothes. He snapped his fingers and flapped his hands near his shoulders, but stopped himself.

He scolded himself, “Do quiet hands, Spencer. Stop being bad, stop it.” And he clamped his hands under his armpits.

Hotch returned to Spencer’s side, grinning sadly at his attempt to stop stimming. He wrapped a warm towel that had been thrown in the dryer around his shaking frame, stopping to brush his cheek with his thumb as he retracted his arms. 

“I brought new underwear and one of my special robes. Thought you’d like that.” Hotch explained softly. “Please use your skills, bub. Go ahead and stim.” 

All Spencer needed was permission, beginning to rock back and forth and hum quietly. After about 5 minutes, Reid calmed down, looking to Hotch for direction. Their eyes locked, and Hotch gave him ideas for what to do next.

“I’m here now, so how about you get changed into the things I brought?” He prompted.

He watched as Spencer clumsily changed into new boxers. He helped take off his sweater vest that he had fallen asleep in with an ‘arms up’ and ruffled his hair. He unbuttoned his button-up, peeling it off his now sweaty skin. He held out a soft (and large) plaid robe for Spencer to stick his arms into, which he did, and tied the ends in a bow in the front.

“Wash your hands, bud, then I’ll give you a big hug.”

Spencer used soap and water and counted exactly one minute of washing. He turned around with teary eyes and melted into Hotch, who held him upright and continually kept up a shushing sound for white noise and kissed his shoulder whenever he would whine.

Aaron led him back to ‘his’ room, lifted up the blankets for Spencer, and climbed in the bed after him. He spooned him, and moved from rubbing his sides to rubbing his belly soothingly. 

“You were so, so cooperative and good tonight. Good job, Spencer.” Hotch whispered. 

He made up a story of a Prince and a Princess, and his voice lulled Reid into a steady rest. Hotch admired his soft breathing before letting his own eyes closed. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered into Spencer’s neck, who turned around and squeezed him tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated <3


	7. Black and Blue.. and Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much happens in this chapter for me to explain haha. Read to find out.

Spencer didn’t do a great job handling his illness. He would play it off like it was nothing and try to go back to work, probably failing. His inability to know when to stop caused him to have a lot of breakdowns, but Hotch was by his side to tell him it was alright. Usually.

Aaron and Jack were out of town for a wedding in the family, so Spencer was left alone at Hotch’s apartment. Aaron would be home tomorrow, but there wasn’t much to do until then. A headache grew in the sides of his skull, pounding him with pain. He worked fervently at reading a 2,000 page book to distract him from it, and it was working. 

Soon, Spencer’s reading was interrupted by a tear falling onto the page. He hadn’t noticed that he was crying, but he often did in these situations. He and Hotch had a plan for what to do if Spencer didn’t feel right while Aaron wasn’t around, but Reid’s memory was failing him. His head felt like it was going to burst, and his stomach was beginning to cramp with anxiety. 

Spencer went into the kitchen for a glass of cold water. There was a note left on the counter that read, ‘Spencer. There’s a pbj in the fridge for you, and your soy milk is behind the orange juice. Sleep in my room tonight. You’re doing great. Aaron’. Spencer smiled sadly at it, and filled a cup with ice water. He’d savor that food tomorrow morning. 

It was getting late, nearly 1 am, so Reid headed into Hotch’s room. Spencer changed into his boxers and an oversized grey shirt that hung down to his knees. He sat down on Aaron’s side of the bed, surrounding himself with the smell of Hotch‘s cologne. 

He sighed deeply, but turned on the nightlight and tried to fall asleep. The pile of clothes on Hotch’s chair looked like a terrifying creature from hell. The more Spencer looked at it, the scarier looking it became. It grew eyes and a mouth and looked deep into his soul, or so he thought it was doing that. Reid scrambled into a sitting position and clicked the lamp on. He took some deep breaths, trying to reassure himself that it was just his mind’s exaggeration trying to spook him.

After many unsuccessful attempts to fall asleep, Spencer dozed off. He was woken up by the home phone ringing next to his pillow. He coughed and reached over, accepting the unknown number. 

“Hotchner residence.” He spoke groggily.

“I know who you are. I know where you live. You can’t stop me. You have 4 days to surrender, or I’ll massacre them all, then I’ll kill you with my bare hands. I’m always watching.” 

The call ended abruptly.

“..what the hell..?” Spencer murmured. 

He didn’t have work for another couple days, so he didn’t want to bother his co-workers with anything unnecessary.. but things like this had happened to Hotch before, and they hadn’t ended that well. Not to mention that Reid felt terrible, like he was having the worst hangover of his life without any drinking involved. He weighed out his options of either calling into work over a potential threat that could be a prank, or he could bother Hotch at a family event. Spencer felt like he always went whining to Hotch. Even though in the back of his head he knew Aaron loved to have another son, he decided on heading into the office to report what had happened. He’d rather not worry Hotch in case it turned out to be nothing.

He lazily got dressed in work clothes, heading to the office alone - driving for the first time in what seemed like forever. He searched around for his key card for a little while in the car, he didn’t quite know where Hotch hid them, but eventually got it out of the back seat cup holder. He entered the building, muttering half hearted greetings to everyone he needed to reply to. He clunked all his bags onto his desk with a groan, causing some people to look at him like he was crazy, to which he smiled and nodded a ‘.. good morning’ to. 

After he sneezed a few times, Emily approached him with a kleenex box. “Morning, sunshine!” She piped.

Spencer glanced at her before turning around and mustering a smile at her presence.

“Hey, what’re you doing here? I thought we were off for a little while, or am I missing something?” Spencer asked.

“Oh, yeah, we’re off.. I just wanted to be here. I didn’t really have anything to do on our off days, so I decided I would work ahead.”

“Err, you could have hung out with me if you were bored, Aaron and Jack are away.”

“I definitely would have taken you up on that if I had known. What brings you in? Especially in these conditions?” She prompted, gesturing to his sickly appearance.

“Well, I got this weird call this morning and I figured it was worth checking out. Might not be anything, though.” He said, trying not to worry her.

“What kind of weird?” 

No point keeping it from her.

“Like.. ‘I’m going to kill people if you don’t do what I say’ weird.” 

She scoffed. “Reid, of course that’s worth being concerned about! Did you tell Hotch?” 

“..no.” 

She opened her mouth and rolled her eyes, clearly ready to lecture him, but he quickly cut her off before she could.

“It might not be anything! He doesn’t need any more stress while he’s out of town. He’s already dealing with enough family stuff.” Spencer reasoned.

“Fine. But if we look into it and find out it’s worth our concern, we’re calling him.”

“Okay.”

Spencer and Emily recruited a couple more members of the FBI who were available to help look into the phone call. Garcia chimed in from her home computer, and was easily able to trace the phone. 

“Idiot didn’t even use a disposable.” Garcia said.

Police and SWAT were sent to the house, and it turns out it was just some teenage punk who found Hotch’s home number through hacking into Jack’s xbox. 

Spencer returned home relieved, but he was still a little bit scared that night. He ate Hotch’s pbj for lunch, and was a little saddened that he was going to have to cook for himself tonight. When it became time to go to bed, Spencer couldn’t help but shake a bit in the dark room. The call from this morning had shaken him up, and it may be cause for nightmares.

It took 47 minutes of internal battling, but Spencer decided on calling Aaron.

The line rang three times, and Reid debated on hanging up.

“Hotchner.”

“Hey.. uh, I didn’t mean to be a bother.. but-“

“Reid? Is that you?”

“Yes.”

His tone immediately softened.

“Hey, buddy! How’s it hangin’?” Aaron spoke.

“Well, things are okay, but something happened today that I think I should probably tell you about..”

“Go ahead, Spence. You won’t get in trouble.”

“Well, this person called the home phone this morning. And they said they knew who I was and that they were going to kill people. And me. And I didn’t know what to do. So I went to work and they looked into it and it was just a prank call from some kid, but I’m a little bit scared to go to bed now and I dunno what to do, because I didn’t want to call you and…” he decided he was rambling. “I’m sorry. I should have called the second I might have been in danger, Emily said so.”

“Emily was right, hon. You know I would have made sure it was safe the second I was aware of the problem. You did a really good job by telling me, though, okay?” Aaron said. 

“Alright.” 

“Tell you what, I’ll turn on the security system with my phone, then you can lock the doors and windows. You’ll be extra safe that way. Nothing to worry about.”

“Oh, uh, thank you. I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“You got it, bud. How about when I get home tomorrow we can get our nails done? It’s almost summer, I know you liked it when we did that last year. That will help you forget all about today.”

“Yeah! That sounds.. uh, that sounds like fun.” Spencer stumbled on his words.

“You head to bed now, sweetheart.”

“Uhh, love you.” 

Hotch chuckled.

“Love you too. Sweet dreams.”

Spencer cuddled up once again in the scent of Aaron. He fell asleep rather quickly with just the nightlight on, surprising himself. 

The next morning, Reid was woken up by Jack jumping on the bed. He smiled and began to lie back down, but sat up at the realization that Hotch was home now.

“Hey, buddy!” He grinned at Jack, before he jumped out of bed and practically ran into the kitchen. Hotch was in there cooking up breakfast for their small family, already smiling when he heard Spencer panting from running down the hall.

“You’re home.” Spencer stated enthusiastically.

Hotch smiled largely.

“That I am. C’mere.” 

Spencer fell into his embrace easily, nearly crying when Aaron squeezed him harder. He forgot how much he missed him until he was standing right there.

Spencer had a sudden rush of excitement.

“Can we do what you said? Can we do the nails? And, and then maybe go to the rescue place to look at the cats? Or the dogs, either one, I don’t mind.” He sneezed. “How about-“ 

He was cut off by Hotch’s hearty laugh.

“Sure, buddy. Sounds like you got a little cold or a bug of some sort?” 

Spencer modded against Hotch’s chest.

“Uh-huh, it’s nothing though.”

“Are you just saying that so I don’t worry about you?”

“Yes.”

When Spencer lifted his head up, he saw Aaron smiling down at him. 

“You’re silly.” Hotch said, still grinning. He let go and turned back to the pancake he was cooking, and flipped it. 

“You have to take some Tylenol, or else we can’t do our nails together.” 

Immediately, Spencer was whining.

“What? You said… you said we could!” 

“I’m serious! You could get Jack sick, and he needs to get back to school.”

That shut him up quickly.

After their pancake breakfast, Aaron took Jack and Spencer to the local Rite Aid to pick out some polish colors. They ended up with orange for Spencer, blue for Jack and black for Hotch, but they both knew Hotch wouldn’t keep it on. The checkout man looked at the group strangely, even more so when Spencer took one of the free stickers from the counter, but he didn’t seem to mind. Hotch gave him a glare before they walked away, though.

When they returned home, Spencer immediately pulled out the paper towels and acetone, ready to go. 

“You do mine, and I’ll do Jack’s and your one hand.” Spencer said, but continued when Hotch looked at him weird. “That way you can take it off easy before work starts.”

“Alright, buddy, that sounds good.”

“I want one hand’s fingers painted black, too, so I can match with daddy!” Jack said to Spencer. Hotch smiled at the two of them.

“..but that’s not gonna look as good.” Spencer stated quietly.

“It’s okay, I’m sure you’ll make it look great, Spence.” Aaron reminded him softly.

By the end of their activity, their hands were all covered in a mix of all three polishes, but no one seemed to mind. Spencer and Hotch went to bed snuggled and happy, and Jack went to school with a new style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so over the place!! But it was honestly the chapter I’ve put the most work into so far. I hope you all enjoyed !


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